i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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