Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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