all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize