Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Are my feet made of real feet?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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