Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sorry about my life...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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