Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
