Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
