as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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