I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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