A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
