my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
