He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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