you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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