K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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