I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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