Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
