I could make wine with my vomit
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
