it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
