You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
