i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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