well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
