Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
