Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Randomize
