there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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