i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize