I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
