so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
