i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
