i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish life had little blips of pornography
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
