Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
