I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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