do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
