I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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