Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
