I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
vagina is talking i cant
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
