Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
