you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
