I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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