I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
