It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
