The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
