I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
