So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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