road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize