I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
