you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You were trust falling into bushes
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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