So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
