If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize