I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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