I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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