While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
