conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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