I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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