Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
