You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize