Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
