My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
