are you so shy because you have an std?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
