I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
