you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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