I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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