I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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