Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
